This world has a lot of speakers. Wherever one goes, if the place is even moderately populated, apart from the generic traffic sounds, they’ll mostly hear the sound of people speaking. But, here is some food for thought- how many actually listen? Listening to someone does not mean waiting for that person to stop talking before the listener can start speaking again. Neither does it mean halfhearted listening while simultaneously doing something else.
Listening means paying enough attention to a person so that the listener understands exactly what they are trying to say. A successful listener is a person who can make the speaker feel heard. They should feel content after speaking to the listener as if they have spoken to a person who wants to listen to them and not because they are obliged to. Below are some points to keep in mind if someone wishes to become an active listener.
Listening means paying enough attention to a person so that the listener understands exactly what they are trying to say. A successful listener is a person who can make the speaker feel heard. They should feel content after speaking to the listener as if they have spoken to a person who wants to listen to them and not because they are obliged to. Below are some points to keep in mind if someone wishes to become an active listener.
Listening and hearing
To better understand the distinction between the two very similar terms, it would help if one knew the definitions. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines listening as hearing something with thoughtful attention. The key here is ‘thoughtful attention’. On the other hand, hearing is defined as the faculty of realizing sounds. Thus, understandably, there is a vast difference between the two. While hearing is a passive process, listening is active. A listener is expected to go beyond the act of simply hearing the words spoken by someone and pay attention to the content of their speech.
To better understand the distinction between the two very similar terms, it would help if one knew the definitions. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines listening as hearing something with thoughtful attention. The key here is ‘thoughtful attention’. On the other hand, hearing is defined as the faculty of realizing sounds. Thus, understandably, there is a vast difference between the two. While hearing is a passive process, listening is active. A listener is expected to go beyond the act of simply hearing the words spoken by someone and pay attention to the content of their speech.
Connecting with the speaker
When a person is speaking their speech expresses their inner feelings and intentions. A good listener should try to understand these feelings. In other words, to become a good listener, one has to try to become an empathizer first. However, this is the trickiest part. An empathizer is a person who understands and shares the feelings of another and this is vastly different from being a sympathizer. To sympathize means to pity and a good listener should never pity the speaker. Generally, when a person is speaking about something, they just want the listener’s attention, and in maximum cases, they just want the latter to understand them. The moment a listener sympathizes, they are in a way making the speaker feel inferior.
When a person is speaking their speech expresses their inner feelings and intentions. A good listener should try to understand these feelings. In other words, to become a good listener, one has to try to become an empathizer first. However, this is the trickiest part. An empathizer is a person who understands and shares the feelings of another and this is vastly different from being a sympathizer. To sympathize means to pity and a good listener should never pity the speaker. Generally, when a person is speaking about something, they just want the listener’s attention, and in maximum cases, they just want the latter to understand them. The moment a listener sympathizes, they are in a way making the speaker feel inferior.
Not interrupting
This is the most important aspect of active listening. A good listener would pay attention to everything that a speaker says without butting in with their own problems. Although it is easy to get wrapped up in one’s own world and the problems that it poses, it is hard to let go of all that for the sake of listening to someone else. Thus, most people interrupt conversations to add their own ideas and opinions. This is a sign of a me-centered attitude and instead of listening, a person might bombard the speaker with their own judgments, knowledge, and perspectives. This is hugely discouraging for the speaker because they do not feel that the listener is open-minded enough to listen.
This is the most important aspect of active listening. A good listener would pay attention to everything that a speaker says without butting in with their own problems. Although it is easy to get wrapped up in one’s own world and the problems that it poses, it is hard to let go of all that for the sake of listening to someone else. Thus, most people interrupt conversations to add their own ideas and opinions. This is a sign of a me-centered attitude and instead of listening, a person might bombard the speaker with their own judgments, knowledge, and perspectives. This is hugely discouraging for the speaker because they do not feel that the listener is open-minded enough to listen.
Ask questions
No, this does not mean asking questions while the other person is speaking or continuously asking questions. This means asking questions to encourage the other person into talking more so that they do not feel that the listener has become bored. Asking relevant questions is a sign of active listening. A passive listener is a person who just listens for the sake of it and does not pay a lot of attention to the speaker. For example, if a speaker is talking about an incident that happened to them, the listener can ask the details about it- like asking where and when it happened, or how. Such questions convince the speaker that the one they are speaking to is interested in what they have to say and is not listening to them out of mere obligation.
No, this does not mean asking questions while the other person is speaking or continuously asking questions. This means asking questions to encourage the other person into talking more so that they do not feel that the listener has become bored. Asking relevant questions is a sign of active listening. A passive listener is a person who just listens for the sake of it and does not pay a lot of attention to the speaker. For example, if a speaker is talking about an incident that happened to them, the listener can ask the details about it- like asking where and when it happened, or how. Such questions convince the speaker that the one they are speaking to is interested in what they have to say and is not listening to them out of mere obligation.